I am sitting here about three feet from my daughter. She is watching some Saturday morning weird cartoony show. I am watching her face and reaction to the show. The show is about being a “cry-buggy” hence cry baby. She appears to be actually feeling bad for the little bug who is being labeled the “cry-buggy”.
My daughter has been known to “looks just like her mommy” or “mini Dawn”
NOW I think she may be just like me in other ways as well. Compassionate-sympathatic and also now have the capacity to be- even at the age of 5-empathetic of other peoples (bugs) situations.
WoW…she amazes me.
I can hope she doesnt get my negative traits.
Thanks goodness she has her fathers teeth.

I heard a line from a song:
“Life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans.”
*raising hand*
Guilty!!
Tonight I really looked at my daughter as she steppped into my shoes and attempted to clomp around in them. WOW..when did she grow so much? When did she decide to be SO grown up for the age of 5. (if you ask her its 5 and 3/4…birthday coming up ya know)
While watching her it really hit me. TIME and LIFE is happening and I have been SO damn busy working and planning and doing nothing and everything all at the same time. She is growing up, as well as the other two, and it just seems to go faster and faster every year. I know this isnt a NEW observation - just one I got hit hard by tonight.
I only get my children HALF TIME so that means I get to MISS the other HALF. I really hate that. Makes me want to stop the clock and just make them stay little for just awhile longer. Just play and be innocent and happy.
As I heard the middle one start to giggle at her and then heard her join in…
I REALLY listened.
I want to take that sound and put it in a box and put it high on the shelf.
I want to be able pull that box down and smile when the day comes that she fills those same size shoes.
I want to remember that sound and that moment forever.
I want to keep this moment of LIFE and not make any other plans.

A friend sent me an email this morning that contained this:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can’t push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once .

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

I am TRYING to remain positive…..

It’s dark out finally. I can go to bed.
Found out this morning that there will be NO CAR. yep…no car.
Finance guy tried all he could but the damn loan for the house is still in my name.
Made all the calls I could. Nothing.
Cried…at work..even worse…hate for anyone to see me cry.
hate to cry- just makes my eyes look awful and puffy.
“60-90 days to refiance the house” THATS what my paperwork says from my divorce. It’s been 2 YEARS!!!!!!
NOT liable for either Menards card or Mortgage…says that too.
Apparently they mean nothing. Am I divorced? It says that in there.
PLEASE someone tell me I am not still married?????
I feel so crappy right now.
Work is awful..busy and I am easily annoyed.
Not good for talking to clients…hard to put on the happy face and take care of them.
Oldest child is being VERY 18 and making me upset as well…
I can’t take anymore…
I am going to bed.

Yesterday I went to look for a new car.
Being a woman and alone they can see me coming. I so feared the “look honey it has a radio” and “do you like the pretty blue one?”
I almost didnt go.
I went to a local dealer after hearing a commercial that sounded very intriging. Buying this car would actually CUT my monthy costs and I would drive away with something better on gas and so NOT a mini van AND feel a whole lot better about myself.
All went better than expected until it came to the financing. They pulled my credit and all looks great except it shows I am still on the mortgage for my ex-husbands house. AND his stinkin Menards card!!!! My debt to income ratio was a NO GO.
He has left me on the mortgage because without ME- he cant a loan for the house that WE bought. Without ME he gets a lower level of credit for his business card at Menards!!!!
Guess what? We have been divorced for 2 YEARS !!!
I believe this is illegal. After 50 pieces of paper, including my divorce papers stating I am no longer responsible for those two items, it is in the finance guys hands.
I want this..BAD!!
Cross your fingers for me?