This past weekend I volunteered to watch my best friends kids and dogs while her and her husband took a overnight birthday Harley trip. The weekend was good. The kids played together well. The dogs behaved and I only had one pile of puke to clean up.

Tonight I called her to get all the details of her wonderful romantic birthday weekend. When the phrase “I wasn’t going to tell you this but” came out of her mouth I stiffened up and took a deep breath. The next part of the sentence was “Jeff tagged along with us”.
Jeff is a friend of my ex husband who has remained friends with me. He in turn has made friends with my best friend and her husband. Jeff is single and a great guy but we are just friends..nothing ever more. We have all done things together and usually have a really good time. I felt the pain wash over me of feeling completely left out and just a bit, well, stupid. I think the fact that they were going to “hide” it from me was the worst of all. These are supposed to be my friends.

I have been best friends with this woman for almost 13 years. I am glad she told me but I can honestly say I feel she is trying to drive a wedge between us. Things have been different with jobs and schedules etc but it just seems different this time.
We have had our ups and downs. This one hurts JUST a bit too much.

First a little background….
I have really struggled this year. Struggled to provide shelter/food/etc for myself and my three kids. We don’t make it on paper. Somehow we just get by. My EX on the other hand doesn’t really struggle at all. He makes a lot more than I do. HE had a lawyer when we got divorced. I could not afford one. He somehow seems to always have things work out for him. I am constantly jumping hurdle after hurdle.
Well today…SCORE one for the DAWN team.
I got a call from the finance company and I got that car I needed so desperately!!!!
Yes, internet, I am the proud owner of a brand new 2005 Kia Spectra. My first new car EVER!! Nothing to fancy…but it is ALL mine. (and of course the banks for a while) but never the less it is in MY name….
I was SO excited, still am.
This car lifts many burdens. No more worrying about getting stuck in my old nasty minivan that was on it’s last leg. No more having to worry about calling my best friends husband because it broke down again. MUCH cheaper on gas (2.5 times the miles) Insurance only goes up 6 dollars a month and my payment is actually LESS!!!
The kids shared in my excitement. They clapped and ooohhhh and aaahhh’d.
They even said it was “cooler than daddy’s car”. (grin)
My oldest saw it for the first time and asked if he could just sit in it for awhile.
(he doesn’t know how to drive stick)
Now for the hard part. I need to name her.
So far we have two suggestions…Emily or Elizabeth.
Anyone have any other suggestions? She is dark bronze with a tan interior.
Let me know what you think internet…
I need to go and tuck her into the garage for the night…
(sigh)
She is JUST MINE!

I love a challenge when it comes to fixing messed up computers. I enjoy being able to help my friends. I don’t mind spending hours doing this….my only gripe? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of it when I return it to you. Please RUN the antivirus software and spyware stuff I install for you.
My latest fix has been a four day project. I must have rebooted now about million times. One last time hopefully will do the trick and this baby is on it’s way back to it’s owner.
I am self taught and there is really nothing I can’t fix. I WILL figure it out even if it kills me.
stubborn? me??
just a little

100 Things about Just Dawn

1. Born Dec 26th 1967
2. Parents divorced at age 3.
3. I swore I would NEVER get divorced.
4. Learned to never say NEVER shortly after I got divorced.
5. I love all kinds of food except what gives me heartburn.
6. I am currently 40 pounds overweight.
7. See #5
8. I smoke. (no lectures please,I can read and I am aware of the risks of smoking)
9. I have naturally blonde hair.
10. When I once dyed it RED…people got very mad at me.
11. I went through 5 years of braces.
12. I hate my teeth.
13. I force myself to smile in social situations otherwise people think I am mad.
14. I love surprises.
15. I have never had a surprise party.
16. I have had over 10 or more different job titles in my life.
17. My favorite is MOM.
18. My least favorite was a maid at a national chain hotel.
19. I LOVE giving gifts with “meaning” behind them.
20. I can make quilts. (thanks Tina)
21. I have never made one for myself. All have been given away as gifts.
22. My adult beverage of choice is Margarita’s or other fruit beverages.
23. I usually just drink Bud Light when I go out. (cheaper}
24. I would jump out of an airplane. (haven’t yet)
25. The first time I saw the ocean was when I was 32 years old.
26. I LOVE the beach.
27. Any beach.
28. I hate WINTER.
29. I live in WISCONSIN.
30. ?????????????
31. I cry easily.
32. I have danced on bar stools-pool table and the tops of bars.
33. My best friend met her husband while dancing on a bar stool.
34. We often reminisce about that moment.
35. I was thinner then.
36. I LOVE riding on motorcycles.
37. Prefer Harley’s.
38. I am a self taught computer geek.
39. I can build or repair computers.
40. And use them.
41. If I like the words to a song I will listen to it.
42. No matter what kind of music it is.
43. I try to always have my toenails painted.
44. I wear two toe rings. (even in the winter when no one sees them)
45. My best friend and I have matching tattoos on our ankles.
46. They are in honor of our grandmothers.
47. I have another tattoo on my back left shoulder.
48. They are both very pretty and tasteful.
49. I care too much about what other people think of me.
50. I am attracted to men over 6 feet tall.
51. I am 5′8 1/2 inches tall.
52. I like to wear girl shoes and still be shorter than my date.
53. I haven’t had a date in a LONG time.
54. I am witty.
55. Even more witty when you add alcohol.
56. I always wanted to be a Teacher.
57. I am not.
58. My sister is a teacher.
59. I went to school to be a dental assistant and graduated with a 4.0
60. I am not now a dental assistant either.
61. One of my all time favorite movies is TOP GUN.
62. I preferred GOOSE.
63. see #50
64. I am afraid of frogs and birds.
65. I prefer cats.
66. But I love dogs too.
67. I look horrible in white.
68. I am a loyal Green Bay Packer fan.
69. I throw things at my TV when they don’t win.
70. I have a foam brick of cheese at my side during games.
71. I have “lucky” Packer shoes and a “lucky” Packer shirt.
72. My daughter does not like football (so far)
73. I have always sought my parent’s approval.
74. I still don’t have it.
75. I hate to disappoint people.
76. Even myself.
77. I am very critical of myself.
78. I am usually sarcastic about everything.
79. My Ex-Husband hated sarcasm.
80. I bruise easy.
81. I don’t drink enough milk.
82. I have played tag in a cornfield.
83. I have never lived on a farm.
84. I lost my virginity in a car.
85. I loved him.
86. I can sleep on either side of the bed.
87. I now sleep in the middle.
88. I miss my grandmother.
89. She died in 2000.
90. I have not yet been to her grave since she was put there.
91. I wear a heart pendant necklace she gave me everyday.
92. I am allergic to jewelry.
93. Except THAT necklace.
94. I have a rare blood type.
95. My best friend has the same blood type.
96. I would give her an organ if she needed it.
97. I love the show “Sex and the City”
98. I am a little of each of the characters.
99. I finally made it to the end of this list.
100. Will anyone read it?

Friday night and I aint got nobody…I got some money cause I just got paid…

Here I am…Friday night and nothing shaken here. Just me and my laptop. Kids are in bed and sleeping like two bugs in a rug. All is quiet. Oldest is out with friends.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever date again.
How the heck would I meet someone?
Do I WANT to meet someone?
Aren’t they all the same anyway?

I think I need chocolate.

I got HALF motivated/disgusted enough to so something about it tonight after work with my bathroom. UGH…one small bathroom and I just HATE to clean it. With my bad knee I couldnt really scrub the tub or really “clean” the floor but I did do a good WIPE down of the sink area-scrubbing of the toilet and the foot wipe up of the floor. Its accectable- and I wont throw up from its yuckiness (is that a word?) when I go pee next time.
It’s HALF clean…and HALF is better than none.
Please kids…remember to Just flush…

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my family. We had a mini family reunion at a place called Bay Beach. They have a few rides-bumper cars-ferris wheel. It 25 cents a ticket and one or two tickets gets you a ride. Americana at its finest. All three of my kids were present. My two step brothers…step sister and my half sister. All had spouse/family in tow. My father and step mother were also there-being that they have relocated to Florida, their visit promted the reunion. My family is one of those NON confrontational type. No one REALLY wants to know how you are. God forbid if you actually said something or shared any real part of your life. I am the only one not married/divorced. Black sheep…whatever you want to call it. Unfortunetly they LOVED my ex husband and some have even choosen to believe HIS side of things and BLAME me.
With my bum knee, I was a bit slower in getting around the park but we managed. My oldest helped with taking litle ones on rides I couldnt do. I took pictures and just tried to enjoy the beautiful day and the take in the joy my kids were experiencing.
As I watched my children, I also watched the crowds and the couples and the other kids. I think I was the only single woman there. The thirty minute drive home was quiet.. The little ones fell asleep and I watched the world go by as my oldest drove. I’ve never felt so alone. I kissed and hugged the kids goodbye when I dropped them back off at their dad’s house and their sleepy little faces never looked so cute.
My oldest took off with some friends and I went to bed. This is my life.
Just Dawn

Over two years ago I pivoted wrong on my right knee and my kneecap came completely out of place. I was in a knee brace and on crutches for 6 weeks. Went through 2 months of physical therapy. My knee has never been the same since but it has remained in place …..that is until Saturday night. According to my friend who was there for the first time, I did the exact same thing. I pivoted to my right and BOOM……out went the kneecap and down on my ass I went. I was in a small bar with friends having a really good time and BANG….once again I shoved the kneecap back into place and tried not to scream as loud as I did. I was surrounded by people and felt just plain stupid.
They helped my up and got me outside and into a reclining chair by the fire. The bar owner got me a large bag of ice and a shot of tequila. Both helped. The ice has kept the swelling to less than last time..but the bruising is starting to come through though. DAMN this thing hurts. I hate it.
After the ice took over my friend managed to get me into the van and we headed home. We were supposed to stay overnight but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep in the back of my van.
I called the doctor and he suggested I keep off it and continue doing what I knew to do. Ice and elevate. I emailed work right away this morning after not sleeping all night from the pain. I am sure they are upset but I think I would have been more of a burden than a help there today.
I am going to ice-elevate and attempt to nap.
Wish I had tequila.