Haven’t heard from tall handsome since Thursday night.
That’s enough of that. This time I mean it!!
Even if he does call, I am not going to answer. I should have known.
The whole thing was dumb anyways.
Why the hell would anyone want to be with me?
I hate this feeling. I just want the hurt to stop. The hurt from my failed marriage. The hurt from the being rejected. The hurt I heap on to myself every time I look in the mirror….all of it just needs to STOP!!!! I WANT my fucking happy ending. I want to believe that this isn’t how the story is going to be and end. Who do I need to talk to here? Is there a supervisor? A complaint department? Dammit!!!!!!

The weekend was otherwise a success with the kids.
Pumpkins are carved and pumpkin seeds are roasted.
Costumes are ready and the anticipation mounts.
This year I get a Darth Vader and a Cat…

I wish I could dress up and be someone else too.

Thursday night I went out with B for a few drinks and some good quality girl time. We laughed and talked and get out our frustrations of work. Its been a rough week at work. Tense and busy. I was SO happy when B had emailed me asking “Beers tonight?”
I needed the release. I have also still been talking to Tall Handsome on a semi regular basis and he wanted to see me…after work….11:30 PM. 11:35 he walked in….I was happy to see him. He confuses me. I THINK he likes me.
The jury is still out. I have no idea what to make of him and his call me approximately every three days deal. At the end of the evening I asked him if he could give me a ride home. He obliged.
Guess now it will be three days again before I hear from him again…MEN! geesh..
and the think we are COMPLICATED!

This whole Tall Handsome thing is just stupid. I have put entirely TOO much weight on all this and all that it isn’t. I WILL NOT sit “by the phone” and wait for him to throw me a bread crumb of attention. Men really are all the same deep down. I know that. I just got caught up momentarily in the idea of dating someone again. The idea of someone WANTING me or NEEDING me was nice to think about. Hell, I fantasized about winning the lottery this week…I have about the same odds of meeting a decent guy as winning that huge Powerball Jackpot.
I got a brief call on Wednesday night and he asked about my plans for the weekend.
haven’t heard from him since…forget that…
Back to dating the TV. Much more reliable and definitely more entertaining.

OK…OK HE CALLED!!!
Tall handsome called me last night-we chatted and he ended up coming over for a visit.
It was late but I took a nap. We hung out and watched X-Files. We snuggled. He played with my hair. He is very sweet. Wonder what’s wrong with him?

We said good night with a teenager make out kiss.

He said he would call me tomorrow….that we would be tonight.

Nothing yet….

I AM pathetic.

Let’s back up. Where were we??….oh yeah. I was debating whether or not to go and be at said bar for the possible appearance of tall handsome. I DID go and he DID show up. He was a bit late but never the less there. We talked and had a few drinks.
He was SUPER sweet and I felt very comfortable around him. He was wearing a baseball hat and sweatshirt/jeans combo. Cute. It was getting late and I thought I better get home. We left and he walked me to my car. We kissed good night.
In the morning I awoke to find a sweet message on my phone. He said he wanted to make sure I made it home ok-that he would talk to me later and said to “think positive”
Well folks…that was Thursday night. I haven’t heard from him since.
Just shoot me now…okay?

That’s how long I talked with…….drum roll here…..
TALL HANDSOME!!!!
Yep-that’s right. We spoke on the phone. I called him. Got his number after a search on the good old internet. I called to apologize for not being able to meet up with him that night over a month ago. He said “no problem..It’s all good”
I thought that might be the end of it but HE then keep talking and asking me questions.
We talked on and on about RUGBY, life, men and women. Junior high-people we knew and know. You name it- we talked about it.
I was wrong about a few things. He is divorced and does have a son. Apparently his son (11) lives in Florida with his mother and step dad.
He ended the conversation stating that after pool league tomorrow night he would stop at the bar we remet at. (to see if I am there) He also ASKED FOR MY PHONE NUMBER!!!
Wanted to know what my plans for the weekend were. I commented that I really had no definite plans and he said “well-maybe we will have to change that”
So, internet, do I BE at said bar tomorrow night? Too desperate? Pathetic?
Need some help here.

“Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them”

“Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive”

“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder”

“Procrastinate Now!”

“The trouble with life is there’s no background music”

“I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on”

I got nothing here. Nothing to say or write about. Work is WORK..that wonderful four letter word that it is. Kids are loving school (THANK GOD) and homework hasn’t even been too big of a chore. Oldest child is working lots of hours and staying out of trouble so he isn’t around much. Playing a bit of “robbing Peter to pay Paul” but the bills will eventually get paid. The Packers are currently LOSING-which has been the low side of my football watching enjoyment……Ugh………..
Just Nothing….