Just Faking It

Ever since the kids and I got the Christmas tree up and the house decorated, I have been trying to find that “gear” to get me going in the holiday spirit.
Gears are still grinding but no one would know it but me.
I have shopped with patience. I have been courteous and kind to all the crabbie sales people and cashiers. I have wrapped and mailed presents out that needed to be mailed. There is even Christmas music playing on my car radio and I have SUNG ALONG!
To the entire world I look like a happy stable woman who is ready for the holidays.
Well Internet…I am FAKING it.
It IS a woman choice now isn’t it?????
Inside I am screaming in agony. I am not looking forward to the holidays at all.
Sharp needles in my eyes may feel better.
Money is tight. Gifts are sparse. Spirit is low. The weather is cold and crappy.
I feel defeated by the jolly old fat elf.
I want desperately to BELIEVE.
I want to believe that everything will turn out fine and good and wonderful.
I want to believe that some magic will happen and something POSITIVE will end up in my stocking this year.
For now, I will just keep faking it.