Did some poking around and was curious as to WHO is reading this and HOW they got here.
PEOPLE..stand up and be counted and recognized!! COMMENT!! please…

Say HI…say SOMETHING…
Other than the one or two of you I KNOW that come here and check me out… a few searches that heve brought people here are as follows:

physco ex girlfriend
bud light blood type
i hate menards .com
physco girlfriend
my girlfriend dawn
i have a physco girlfriend
dawn
more than a handful waste
physco girlfriend
dawn girlfriend just 18
just me and +Dawn
“boiling lemonade”
They take me out at dawn and I will die
physco ex girlfriend stories

Looks like the PHYSCO ex girlfriend story brought me the most hits.
as for “boiling lemonade” ….. got me on that one.
Thanks to the people who have stopped by. Ya’all come back now- ya hear?

Today was different than most of my Sunday’s while my kids are here. We got invited to lunch with RM. He had called me this morning and wanted to know what we were up to.
I was a gorgeous day (almost 50 degrees) so we packed up the remote control truck and headed to his town. The kids and I laughed and talked the whole way. The ride went fast. When we arrived we helped make tacos and played with the fluffy dog and the remote control truck. After lunch we hung out and RM showed the kids his box of old coins and treasures. I think they actually has fun since I got a “THANKS MOM” as we pulled away. My kids seem to like him. This is good.

WHY? Why do I let my brain do this? Is it a chemical imbalance? Am I SO freakin insecure that I will ruin things that are good in my life? Am I alone with this?

Everyday I can go from happy to sad in 5.2 seconds. One comment, one thought, one NON comment. Anything can set me off.

These thought can be about my abilities as a mother, my job, my friendships and of course, my feelings for RM. My brain takes such a toll on me sometimes that I just want to shut it off.

I worry about things. Always have been a worrier. I look at my kids and wonder if I am doing my best. I think about my job and contemplate if this is what I wanted to be when I grew up. I think about RM and wonder what his feelings are and where HE thinks this is going.

It’s Saturday. I got to sleep in and lounge around a bit. I SHOULD be happy and content. Instead I am restless and worried.

Maybe I just need chocolate. Got any?

RM and I are starting to really get into a routine. Our time together goes around my kids schedule. It works, but it leaves me to wonder about the future. Yes, I said future. When I am in my happy place, I think about how this would work long term. I wonder about how my kids fit into this. I ponder the idea of when and how this would play out. We live an hour apart. Neither one of us can change that.
His friends live here in my town during the week and then go to his town on the weekends. Is this what I can possibly expect? Do I really see myself doing this?
And my kids? The jury is still out.
My feelings continue to deepen for RM. We had a glorious weekend of really enjoying eachothers company…AND…I met his parents.
It went well. We had breakfast with them on Sunday. Very sweet people whom seem to be very open minded about just about everything. His dad made the comment of “she seems like a very nice lady.” …that sounds pretty good. No word yet in from Mom, but she didn’t give me the hairy eyeball or anything. It was actually very comfortable.
Tonight RM asked me to join him on his annual trip to visit his friend in Iowa that is scheduled for the end of April.
Not part of the routine…hmmm..this could be dangerous.

RM got a cell phone today. I feel better knowing he has a phone with him while he makes his 1 hour commute to and from work. I was also pleasantly surprised to find out that I am #1. #1 on the speed dial.
Kinda makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
My feelings for him continue to grow. I have moments of wanting to end it. End it to prevent pain. The pain of losing him. The pain that would break my heart beyond recognition and repair. I don’t want that.
…..deep breath……
Tonight I will be happy and not worry.
Tonight I am #1.

No, I am not hearing voices…just heard a song today that I havent heard in a long time.
Voices…by Toby Lightman

This was the last thing to enter my mind
This was something I was never concerned about
People play these silly games all the time
But what I find are these feelings of doubt
I only wanna be satisfied
But feelings come into play
And all my words just run away

Are the voices being true
Do the roads all lead to you
‘Cause there’s so much left untold
When there’s no one left to hold

But you might just believe
Tell me the words that are stuck in your head
Tell me, do you think this is real
‘Cause I remember everything that you’ve ever said
My only wish is to know how you feel
I only wanna be satisfied
But feelings come into play
And all my words just run away

I just wanna reach you
Am I getting through?