Yep, I watch American Idol. (stop laughing) I am a fan. I am hooked. (I mean it- STOP) Last year I picked Carrie Underwood from the auditions and even voted a few times for her. And yes, I OWN her CD. (got it for a Christmas gift)
Tonight should be interesting. I LOVE Chris Daughtry. He rocks my socks.
I will buy his album as well.

Are you a fan?
Who do you like?
Are you voting?

Since I am back at ONE..thought I would do a MEME.

Accepting the fact that I can only rely on MYSELF.
Buying time until payday.
Calling my friend to break the silence of this empty house.
Dreading dealing with issues at work.
Eating popcorn for dinner.
Figuring out how to mend my broken heart.
Grumbling about money.
Hating that money is such an issue with me.
Imagining what it would be like to not worry about money.
Jonesing for fudge.
Killing myself trying to stop beating myself up about my weight.
Licking my lips thinking about fudge.
Making myself stay awake to watch Sex in the City.
Noticing that my hair looked like shit today.
Offering no advice to ANYONE on men.
Pondering spending the rest of my life alone.
Quitting my habit of…nah..not yet.
Realizing the majority of this list is terribly whinny.
Sitting here wishing I’d never started this damn meme.
Trying to stop whinning.
Understanding that I must do the laundry.
Vowing to try to be more positive.
Wondering if anyone really reads my blog.
Yelling at myself-in my head- again.
Zipping my lip. I made it through the meme.

After almost 2 weeks of wonder and contemplation, I finally had the nerve to call RM and find out what was going on. I got the “I don’t know what I want” bullshit and the “this just isn’t working for me” crapola.
He might as well have said “it’s not you -it’s me” that would have been even MORE classic.
He has wasted entirely too much of my time and too much of my brain space.
I honestly believe that he may just regret this one day.

The final step. (and I LOVE the commercial that portrays this)
He has been deleted from my cell phone.
Good Bye RM.

RM,

After three and a half months you have decided to tell me that you are not ready for a commitment or “anything serious”. Since we met, I have not mentioned anything of this sort. I have followed your lead but have been guarded and insecure about as to where “this” was going.
YOU were the one who had a key made for me, bought me fuzzy slippers for at your house and made future plans. Plans that even included a visit to Iowa to spend time with your friend. I have let you meet my children even though we talked about my feelings about this.
Honestly, I think you are scared and panicking. We got into a routine and that scared you. The “comfortable” feeling I thought we were both having must have terrified you.

When we met, I did NOT want to date anyone. I was perfectly content with my life as a single gal. I do not need a man in my life. I do just fine on my own.

The bricks you slowly eroded from my wall are now replaced with new and improved bricks. I will not let you hurt me or my children.

I am sad to say that your statement has completely changed our relationship.
I feel I can no longer be myself and enjoy our time together in fear that I may say or do something that will make you panic again. Every word I say will be filtered and contemplated as a possible MIS statement for my thoughts and feelings for you.

I am an amazing woman. I have wonderful qualities that you have only begun to scratch the surface of. My kids are incredible and by me choosing to share my time with them with you was a big deal to me.

I will not play games. I deserve more and better than that.

Just Dawn

What Hurts the Most
Rascal Flatts

“What Hurts The Most”

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That dont bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
Im not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend Im ok
But thats not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin to do

Its hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But Im doin It
Its hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and Im alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
Thats what I was trying to do

Weekends with RM are wonderful. Relaxing and fun. Good times, good people, wrinkly clothes. I spend my weekends living out of a backpack. I don’t have any luggage. Back pack is all I have. In goes the clothes for the weekend along with my makeup, hair dryer, curling iron and the rest of my personal junk. So far, only my toothbrush remains at his home. I waiver with the idea of asking him if I can leave a few “doubles” there but yet…hhmmm…nope. Not brave enough.
So, it’s wrinkly ole backpacked Dawn.