Just Screaming

I hate to whine. I hate to complain. I try really hard to NOT be the victim or have the victim mentality. I am struggling- I am struggling from running INTO so many walls and road blocks that I am almost to the point of wanting to throw a big ole pity party for ME. (Problem is- no one would come and that makes a pity party even more pitiful!)

I shouldn’t complain. I am alive and well and still breathing. My kids are healthy and doing great. My middle son hit a DOUBLE last night and helped his team WIN their third straight little league game. —-

And when that game was over…I slowly walked back to my car and felt so sad and alone I cried all the way home. The kids went with their Dad…My oldest son Travis, went off with his friends and I went home alone. Again.

You would think that after 5 years of being alone this would get easier. It hasn’t. I DO enjoy some of my time alone and know there are women who crave that. I get that. I get that I chose to end my marriage. I left.

I miss having a best friend. A best friend that I am not an inconvenience to when I call. One who wants to hear from me. One who might even need and like me too.

The silence in my marriage was often deafening. The silence now can be nice and enjoyable or it can SCREAM at me that I am alone.

Last night the silence was screaming at me.