Dear Federal Govt:

I understand that you are in the midst of figuring out a BAIL OUT plan.  May I be a part of this plan?  I could really use some help.  My mortgage is past due and I am looking at possible foreclosure and potential homelessness.

See, since the gas prices have skyrocketed, prices at the grocery store have soared and the prices to even supply electric and water to my home have doubled in the past year- well- my paycheck hasn’t.

I am a working single mother. I work 40 hours a week and ANY overtime I can get.  I have two grade school aged children.  And gosh- they just needed school supplies- fees – and lunches too. I did manage new gym shoes (under $20.00 for BOTH) but no new school clothes were purchased this year.

We don’t go out to eat or buy anything “extra” at the grocery store.  Honestly- we eat  A LOT of Macaroni and Cheese and there are many nights when I just skip supper to make sure there is enough for the two of them. 

We don’t go to movies or even rent them.  We do with what we have and the kids have been great about NOT complaining. I hate to even ask for help but I live in Wisconsin- and it gets cold here in the winter. 

The fuel oil company won’t come and fill my tank unless I pay them cash.  Even just THAT money would be great.

I know there are many families that are worse off then us.  My apologies if I seem like I am over stepping the boundries here. I just thought that maybe since you were throwing around 700 BILLION dollars-that you could flick me a nugget of that. 

The kids and I will be very grateful.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Just Dawn

Have you ever been in a funk? One of those times when nothing and everything seems different and off? I am not myself lately. Things I normally enjoy are faded fun - almost seem gray. Nothing seems to go right and everything I touch seems to go just terribly wrong. I need to DE- funk my life. I need to do something about this funk but I am almost over whelmed with HOW to do that. I think I am going to start the day and change things around and then BLAM!-back in the funk zone. Normally I cant go without music playing in my car and for the past three days my car stereo has been off- and I just listen to the wind rushing by. Nothing seems right. TV- Movies- nothing makes me feel better…

I haven’t even felt like taking pictures….OR….reading my favorite blogs on the internet. WTF?

maybe I will just try large quantities of beer? RUM?

Suggestions? Help? Am I alone here?

Have you ever completely poured your heart out to someone and have them react with….nothing?  silence?   I am embarrassed and disappointed.  I told someone my about my feelings and got nothing in return. Harsh.

So… yet another door has been slammed in my face.

I have spent the last two days wondering why on earth I should keep knocking.

Someone please tell me just what the hell is wrong with me…..

I hate to whine. I hate to complain. I try really hard to NOT be the victim or have the victim mentality. I am struggling- I am struggling from running INTO so many walls and road blocks that I am almost to the point of wanting to throw a big ole pity party for ME. (Problem is- no one would come and that makes a pity party even more pitiful!)

I shouldn’t complain. I am alive and well and still breathing. My kids are healthy and doing great. My middle son hit a DOUBLE last night and helped his team WIN their third straight little league game. —-

And when that game was over…I slowly walked back to my car and felt so sad and alone I cried all the way home. The kids went with their Dad…My oldest son Travis, went off with his friends and I went home alone. Again.

You would think that after 5 years of being alone this would get easier. It hasn’t. I DO enjoy some of my time alone and know there are women who crave that. I get that. I get that I chose to end my marriage. I left.

I miss having a best friend. A best friend that I am not an inconvenience to when I call. One who wants to hear from me. One who might even need and like me too.

The silence in my marriage was often deafening. The silence now can be nice and enjoyable or it can SCREAM at me that I am alone.

Last night the silence was screaming at me.

I am a firm believer in the way things used to be with kids and sports.  I believe that not EVERY child should make the team.  I believe in tryouts.  Disappointment can be a valuable life lesson.

I also beleive that one of the hardest things to do for a parent is to watch your child suffer this disappointment.

Tonight I had to tell my 10 year old son that he did NOT make the tournament team for little league.  He tried out on Saturday and we got the call just minutes ago.

He will play on his regular team-which he loves but wanted to try to make it to the tournament team.

The tears are hard to see.  My heart aches.  He tried his best but knowing that his best wasn’t good enough is a hard pill to swallow.

The snow WONT S T O P….someone please turn OFF the snow!

2008 was going to be MY YEAR! It was going to consist of a new beginning, weight loss, stopping smoking, fresh starts and so many other ideas that had been swirling in my head. This was the plan. The plan has failed. I have failed. I hate this.

SO far this year has consisted of one crappy thing happening after another. I had to say good-bye to my dad. I havent lost a single pound and I am still smoking. I have made a huge mistake that will cost me my pride and money. I have spent more time crying and beating myself up than should be legally allowed. I try and try to turn things around and I keep stumbling farther ahead to only find myself so mush farther behind than where I started.

I have literal bruises and I am broken. Bruised from snow blowing during one of the snowiest winters on record in Wisconsin. Oh, how I hate winter! I am broken by the constant nagging inside my head of all my flaws and scars.

I am a never say never kind of woman but one particular NEVER bridge has been burnt to a crisp. Never to be mended.

I wanted 2008 to be less negative -more filling. More fulfilling. To discover my true passion and future.

The clouds are dark and gloomy.

Its snowing again.

We have Christmas’d-we have New Year’d…I even birthday’d and I just dont know where to begin.  SO much has happened that I am overwhelmed and exhausted.  I have been happy, sad, excited, hopeful, defeated and I have cried so hard my eyes were puffed for days. Where do I start?  How can I explain the most whirlwind couple of weeks I have ever had in my life?

Calgon take me away!

Who are you?

Rancho Cucamonga, California

Boston, Massachusetts

Honolulu, Hawaii

Bolingbrook, Illinois

Clinton, Tennessee

Concord, North Carolina

Amityville, New York

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Concord, California

Renton, Washington

Tampa, Florida

Atco, New Jersey

Rochester, New York

Gwynn Oak, Maryland

Which one is YOU? I SEE you!

Fess up-show me some love people!

Feeling like this today:

This is directly related to balancing my checkbook and seeing only a NEGATIVE number.

Can we PLEASE postpone this until about February?

BAH……