MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

Have you ever been in a funk? One of those times when nothing and everything seems different and off? I am not myself lately. Things I normally enjoy are faded fun - almost seem gray. Nothing seems to go right and everything I touch seems to go just terribly wrong. I need to DE- funk my life. I need to do something about this funk but I am almost over whelmed with HOW to do that. I think I am going to start the day and change things around and then BLAM!-back in the funk zone. Normally I cant go without music playing in my car and for the past three days my car stereo has been off- and I just listen to the wind rushing by. Nothing seems right. TV- Movies- nothing makes me feel better…

I haven’t even felt like taking pictures….OR….reading my favorite blogs on the internet. WTF?

maybe I will just try large quantities of beer? RUM?

Suggestions? Help? Am I alone here?

Is it curiosity that brings you here?  I don’t understand.  Aren’t you supposed to be busy “dating”  ??

I honestly hope you find what you are looking for.

I think of you often. I miss you.

I hate to whine. I hate to complain. I try really hard to NOT be the victim or have the victim mentality. I am struggling- I am struggling from running INTO so many walls and road blocks that I am almost to the point of wanting to throw a big ole pity party for ME. (Problem is- no one would come and that makes a pity party even more pitiful!)

I shouldn’t complain. I am alive and well and still breathing. My kids are healthy and doing great. My middle son hit a DOUBLE last night and helped his team WIN their third straight little league game. —-

And when that game was over…I slowly walked back to my car and felt so sad and alone I cried all the way home. The kids went with their Dad…My oldest son Travis, went off with his friends and I went home alone. Again.

You would think that after 5 years of being alone this would get easier. It hasn’t. I DO enjoy some of my time alone and know there are women who crave that. I get that. I get that I chose to end my marriage. I left.

I miss having a best friend. A best friend that I am not an inconvenience to when I call. One who wants to hear from me. One who might even need and like me too.

The silence in my marriage was often deafening. The silence now can be nice and enjoyable or it can SCREAM at me that I am alone.

Last night the silence was screaming at me.

GAME DAY! YAHOOOOOOO!!!

Last night at my house:

9 year old Son: What are you watching MOM?

Me: The Biggest Loser

9 year old Son: How much did THAT lady (pointing) lose?

Me: 16 pounds

9 year old Son: Mom-YOU should go on that show

::::::crickets:::::::

I am putting my fingers in my ears and humming.
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
NO NO NO NO NO NO

SO WRONG!!!!!!
Everyone ASSUMED he was SAFE.
Did you NOT vote people?????
Dammit!!!!

Yep, I watch American Idol. (stop laughing) I am a fan. I am hooked. (I mean it- STOP) Last year I picked Carrie Underwood from the auditions and even voted a few times for her. And yes, I OWN her CD. (got it for a Christmas gift)
Tonight should be interesting. I LOVE Chris Daughtry. He rocks my socks.
I will buy his album as well.

Are you a fan?
Who do you like?
Are you voting?

I have spent the entire weekend in my pajamas!!
YAY ME…
I did manage to get two scarves made and a no sew blanket done for Christmas gifts but not much else. Oh yeah- all my laundry is caught up too.
It is SO cold here this weekend. I knew we wouldn’t be going anywhere, so WHY get dressed? I did shower and change into new jammies at one point. NO make-up. No hair-do. A simple clip to hold my hair up and I was good to go.
I figure with the week ahead this would be a good thing. A bit of down time for both me and the kids. We watched Christmas specials and even had a special MOVIE NIGHT in Mom’s bed last night. We did a pay per view and all spent the night kicking the crap out of each other. I got up twice and thought about hitting the couch but knew the kids would be upset if I had left the nest prior to them bringing me cold cereal in bed the next morning.
I topped off our weekend of pre holiday rest with egg-nog milkshakes and an early bed time. Tomorrow its back to work and school. Let the parties and all the happy ho ho shit commence. I am as ready as I am ever going to be.
I suppose I will have to get dressed for that.

I was SO looking forward to 4 days off of work but not really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving alone. I was really thinking this was going to be tuff.
Tonight while cleaning out her backpack, my daughter produced my salvation from feeling really bad about the holiday upon us.
Out of the backpack came a very first grade yet very meaningful picture of the crayon variety. It has a hand drawn picture of me,her and her brother on it. We are standing on level ground with fall colored leaves at our feet. The sky is gray.
On the bottom in her very best printing penmanship it says…and I quote…
“I am thankful for my mom because she loves me.”
It brought me to tears.
I carefully folded it up and inserted it in my purse. I am sure I will be looking at it more than a bazillion times in the next 24 hours.
Thank you sweet daughter of mine.
I am thankful for you too. (all my kids actually)
More than anyone will ever know.
Happy Turkey Day internet.
Let the Eat-A-Thon begin…