He was picked out of a litter of kittens from a friend.  He was my oldest son’s pet and friend.  He was a “talker” and definetely let you know if his food bowl was empty.  He was a major part of our our lives for over 14 years.

Mustache—-he will be missed!

Dear Federal Govt:

I understand that you are in the midst of figuring out a BAIL OUT plan.  May I be a part of this plan?  I could really use some help.  My mortgage is past due and I am looking at possible foreclosure and potential homelessness.

See, since the gas prices have skyrocketed, prices at the grocery store have soared and the prices to even supply electric and water to my home have doubled in the past year- well- my paycheck hasn’t.

I am a working single mother. I work 40 hours a week and ANY overtime I can get.  I have two grade school aged children.  And gosh- they just needed school supplies- fees – and lunches too. I did manage new gym shoes (under $20.00 for BOTH) but no new school clothes were purchased this year.

We don’t go out to eat or buy anything “extra” at the grocery store.  Honestly- we eat  A LOT of Macaroni and Cheese and there are many nights when I just skip supper to make sure there is enough for the two of them. 

We don’t go to movies or even rent them.  We do with what we have and the kids have been great about NOT complaining. I hate to even ask for help but I live in Wisconsin- and it gets cold here in the winter. 

The fuel oil company won’t come and fill my tank unless I pay them cash.  Even just THAT money would be great.

I know there are many families that are worse off then us.  My apologies if I seem like I am over stepping the boundries here. I just thought that maybe since you were throwing around 700 BILLION dollars-that you could flick me a nugget of that. 

The kids and I will be very grateful.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Just Dawn

MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

Have you ever been in a funk? One of those times when nothing and everything seems different and off? I am not myself lately. Things I normally enjoy are faded fun - almost seem gray. Nothing seems to go right and everything I touch seems to go just terribly wrong. I need to DE- funk my life. I need to do something about this funk but I am almost over whelmed with HOW to do that. I think I am going to start the day and change things around and then BLAM!-back in the funk zone. Normally I cant go without music playing in my car and for the past three days my car stereo has been off- and I just listen to the wind rushing by. Nothing seems right. TV- Movies- nothing makes me feel better…

I haven’t even felt like taking pictures….OR….reading my favorite blogs on the internet. WTF?

maybe I will just try large quantities of beer? RUM?

Suggestions? Help? Am I alone here?

Have you ever completely poured your heart out to someone and have them react with….nothing?  silence?   I am embarrassed and disappointed.  I told someone my about my feelings and got nothing in return. Harsh.

So… yet another door has been slammed in my face.

I have spent the last two days wondering why on earth I should keep knocking.

Someone please tell me just what the hell is wrong with me…..

I hate to whine. I hate to complain. I try really hard to NOT be the victim or have the victim mentality. I am struggling- I am struggling from running INTO so many walls and road blocks that I am almost to the point of wanting to throw a big ole pity party for ME. (Problem is- no one would come and that makes a pity party even more pitiful!)

I shouldn’t complain. I am alive and well and still breathing. My kids are healthy and doing great. My middle son hit a DOUBLE last night and helped his team WIN their third straight little league game. —-

And when that game was over…I slowly walked back to my car and felt so sad and alone I cried all the way home. The kids went with their Dad…My oldest son Travis, went off with his friends and I went home alone. Again.

You would think that after 5 years of being alone this would get easier. It hasn’t. I DO enjoy some of my time alone and know there are women who crave that. I get that. I get that I chose to end my marriage. I left.

I miss having a best friend. A best friend that I am not an inconvenience to when I call. One who wants to hear from me. One who might even need and like me too.

The silence in my marriage was often deafening. The silence now can be nice and enjoyable or it can SCREAM at me that I am alone.

Last night the silence was screaming at me.

I just want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate the fact that for 2 months I got to feel again. I got to feel special and pretty. I got to feel like there was life beyond the four walls of my house. I got to care and listen and encourage. I got to feel wanted and needed.

I tried to be there for you during this time of struggle and hardship. I offered you friendship, companionship and even though it was really hard for me to do…I offered you my heart.

I thought what we had was great. I smiled each time the phone rang or your truck pulled into my driveway. Our time together was limited due to schedules and kids and jobs etc- but even when we could only steal a few moments together it was worth it to me. I thought you felt the same.

Your scared. I DO understand that.

Hearing that you want to date other people (and still see me) was hard to hear. You knew how I felt about that. You knew I couldn’t do it. Telling me your feelings haven’t changed for me-it just doesn’t make it hurt any less.

You are a wonderful man. You are kind and honest. You are handsome and strong.

What I also want you to know is that I am fabulous and rare. I am smart and loyal and honest. I am caring and compassionate. I am a blast to hang out with and have fun. I am a good person to have on your team even when the score is 34-0 and you are on the losing team. I am a good mom. I have my head on straight and know what I want and what I need. I have talents that you had yet to even discover.

I will miss you.

Love,

Dawn

I am a firm believer in the way things used to be with kids and sports.  I believe that not EVERY child should make the team.  I believe in tryouts.  Disappointment can be a valuable life lesson.

I also beleive that one of the hardest things to do for a parent is to watch your child suffer this disappointment.

Tonight I had to tell my 10 year old son that he did NOT make the tournament team for little league.  He tried out on Saturday and we got the call just minutes ago.

He will play on his regular team-which he loves but wanted to try to make it to the tournament team.

The tears are hard to see.  My heart aches.  He tried his best but knowing that his best wasn’t good enough is a hard pill to swallow.

I don’t KNOW you.  I have only heard about you.  You have made choices that affect SO many lives.  Selfish decisions.  Foolish mistakes that will cost you so much more than you will probably ever realize.  You made a decision to end your marriage for another man.  A MARRIED other man.  TWO families are now permanently altered.

You have bruised and wounded a very good man.  A man who gave you everything and more.  He loved you more than you loved him and that never equals out to be a real marriage.  You had everything…everything any woman could ever want and you threw it away.  You manipulated him to the point of still having full control even after your divorce was FINAL.  You are a master game player.   A liar and a cheater.  How do you look at yourself in the mirror?  How do you continue to lie to your children and convince yourself that doing so is OK?

Not only did you hurt him when you walked out but you continue to hurt him with your lies.

What are you teaching your children?  Your daughter…you are showing her that money is the most important thing in the world.  That only looking out for your own personal gain is the right thing to do?  Your son…that a woman will just leave if she meets another man? It may take years of therapy to erase some of these things for them.  Maybe the money you are so undeservingly getting should be put aside for that!  -oh that’s right- you will probably need to get your hair and nails done.  Sorry kids!

I know- your all probably shouting at me that there are always TWO sides to every story!… that it takes TWO to make it and two to break it…yada yada yada.

I am sorry but I just don’t see it in this case.  Did he work to hard?  Did he not do everything you asked?  (even calling YOUR parents to give them YOUR side of the story because you have no spine?)

As a single gal that is divorced myself-I blame you!  I blame you for screwing with this mans head and heart!  I blame women LIKE you that make us ALL look bad.  I am angry that he may never trust another woman again.  That he may never open himself up to care about another woman. That is your final act of total injustice.  You get to move on and be happy and he gets nothing.

You are the most FOOLISH woman I don’t know.